Apr 20

Apr 20 A Mighty Voice Shaking

Funerals are possibly the hardest element of church ministry. I am thankful that I have never needed to preside over one. But I have had the opportunity as a music leader to sing at a few. It is amazing how such an event will change a song forever.

I realized this the other night as I was trying to simultaneously put Kenzie and Oliva to bed. Olivia was in my arms and Kenzie was laying down on Alaina's side of the bed. I sang a song that Kenzie is fond of before beginning a rhythmic "shh" for Olivia. I noticed both girls start to stir and decided to switch back to singing. My mind wandered a little to songs with lyrics I remembered and without thinking I started singing,

Loved with everlasting love,
Led by grace that love to know;
Spirit, breathing from above,
Thou hast taught me it is so.

Depending on the hymnal the name of the song is either "Loved with Everlasting Love" or "I am His and He is Mine." I was introduced to this song by a wonderful lady while serving as music minster of a baptist church. She had served faithfully as an international missionary for many, many years. More recently she had been serving at our church for many more years. I never once heard the woman complain about a thing. She attended every teaching session possible and was always good for an honest doctrinal chat.

Sitting in the front pew of a Sunday Morning practice she asked if I had ever heard of this particular hymn. I said no and turned to the pianist. Though he too had been raised in the baptist church he had not heard it. So together we turned in the hymnal and sang it around the piano,

Oh, this full and perfect peace!
Oh, this transport all divine!
In a love which cannot cease,
I am His, and He is mine.

We liked the song well enough but more importantly we enjoyed taking requests. We proceeded to add it regularly to the order of service. A couple months later we had a "talent show" of sorts for one of the monthly family nights. I was able to talk the lady into standing up and singing the song. The quality of her voice attested to how excellent she must have sounded as a younger woman. The years had taken their toll on her throat and breathing. Despite dropping the tune a half step (maybe more...I forget the details) she struggled to get through all of the verses and was ultimately apologetic for her inability to finish the song. The pianist and I would hear nothing of it. We had taken the song up because it was her favorite and were delighted to hear her sing it.

A few years passed and her breathing got worse. And as fate, or for my Calvinist friends "the Lord," would have it she died the very day that Judah was born. I was no longer the music minister but because of Judah I was off work and got the call to lead the song portions of her funeral. The other songs were easy to sing. The quiet somberness a healthy reminder of true praise. Then we came to the last song. It was her song. Having just being reintroduced to the life of a woman who had affected lives around the globe I could only be impressed with her commitment to her Heavenly Father. Sure we were singing it. But then, as now, I could only comprehend singing it as her. I could not get through the final verse,

His forever, only His:
Who the Lord and me shall part?
Ah, with what a rest of bliss
Christ can fill the loving heart.
Heaven and earth may fade and flee,
Firstborn light in gloom decline;
But, while God and I shall be,
I am His, and He is mine.

I could only mutter. Like her voice many years before mine could not complete the song. To be honest I am near tears reading the words even now. This woman had exhibited a life fully devoted to the Lord. And these words had drilled themselves deeply.

So it was to my surprise that my mind drifted to this song. I guess it should not have been. I began to sing it over my two daughters with every hope that they could be as godly as the woman who had loved it first. But just as it did years ago, I got to the final verse and my voice shook.