As Light as the Very First Snow
Certain songs exist that are so emotionally laden that to make a connection with them is to either lose or gain part of your soul. Sean Rowe's "The Very First Snow" is one such song. Rowe's (quite) new album New Lore popped up on my suggestion list and I listened eagerly. The deepness of his voice resounding with me even though it is not something I find myself typically drawn to.
I progressed through the album with some smiles and frowns. Some songs more attractive than others. And then I heard "The Very First Snow." I immediately hit repeat. Then I hit it again. I put my computer to sleep and just listened. The song is about the loss of a loved family member or friend. The opening lines a crushing look at the emotional capacity to handle death.
The world rolls and it changes gears
But today I'll stay in bed
I'm gonna soak these sheets in tears
I'm gonna think of you instead
Emotions are good and God-given. The honesty of the lines hooked me. The tired, unwillingness to even get out of bed is collapsed into painful reflection. These memories remain. But it was the semi-refrain that really hooked me.
They say that you're in a better place now
Oh but they don't believe what they know
You left with all of the Christmas lights on
As light as the very first snow
As poetic as the namesake line is it was the first two lines that caused me to stop during my first listen. I was able to resonate with it. As Christians (I'm unsure of Rowe's religious affiliations since I'm new to his music), we know that believers truly are in a "better place now." Yet, in the midst of emotion, we sometimes "don't believe" what we absolutely know.
2016 felt like a trainwreck of sanctification on death. God's hand and grace were present everywhere. But the heavy heart this song produced in me was for my friends Michael and Lisa who are each experiencing their first mother's day without their respective mothers. With the vividness of their struggles present, the poetry and imagery of the next semi-refrain seared itself into my brain.
And though you won't get that cold anymore
You will freeze in the back of my brain
And in my dreams, I will open the door
If you will lean into the frame
The people who pass before us are never really gone. I don't say that in some sentimental way. The memories of them are real. Real to the extent that when we permit ourselves, the emotional feelings produced matches our real life experiences. They're frozen in our minds though they no longer feel the cold. If we allow them they will lean into our minds like the dear friends that they have and will be.
I'm gonna miss your indoor voice
And the way you washed your hands
And all these diamonds you left for me
That I just thought were sand
The crazy thing is that the immaterial memories, the faint memories, and the previously inconsequential memories suddenly become priceless. It is not just the great memories that we lugged around with us while they were living. What we once thought of as "sand" has suddenly become "diamonds" left for us to treasure. And the weight and pain heave themselves upon our hearts and minds.
They say that you're in a better place now
Oh but they don't believe what they know
You left with all of the Christmas lights on
As light as the very first snow
To those who "don't believe what they know," rest in God's grace. And let us produce together the type of memories that will "soak these sheets in tears."
