How ‘How I Met Your Mother’ Met My Anger

*spoilers*

Look, if you haven’t seen the HIMYM finale, it’s been out for over a year, and I’m not to blame for ruining it for you. I have to say, I think the writers ruined it. The only thing that really wasn’t ruined was Marshall and Lily.

Let’s start with Barney and Robin. At the beginning of Season 9, we’re preparing for their wedding. We’ve seen both of them as insane individuals over the years who, for the most part, have not wanted to settle down. But instead, they found love with each other. “Too much awesome” in the relationship was how I believe they described themselves. They worked so well, and it was actually really heartwarming to see someone like Barney Stinson, a borderline psycho womanizer finally find the one worth burning the Playbook for. It was equally as touching to see someone like Robin, a generally emotionally detached person who was not looking to ever get married, find love with a guy who always wanted to go over the top for her.

So we come to the finale. And we see their wedding. We see flashbacks of them saying they would never find love or never get married, and then we come back and see them smiling, laughing and dancing at their own wedding. It’s everything we wanted their relationship to be.

What happens next? THEY GET A DIVORCE.

I’m all for shows, movies, and plays having realistic and sad endings, BUT NOT THIS ONE. It was supposed to be that their “wandering eyes and hearts” would stop with each other! They were supposed to live happily ever after as the most legendary couple in history. But instead, they (and we) got screwed over by the writers.

But let’s get to the real issue.

I love Ted Mosby. I basically am Ted Mosby. So, I think you can understand my excitement when the final season of How I Met Your Mother built up to Ted FINALLY meeting his wife. My best friend said that he didn’t like how long they took to do it in Season 9, but I can’t help but disagree. Being a sappy romantic, I loved seeing how Ted’s friends all met the Mother first, I loved seeing the flash forwards when they were already together, and I loved seeing just how perfect this girl was for our boy Ted.

Who else wears driving gloves besides Ted Mosby? Who else has a calligraphy set? Who else would appreciate and strive for excellence in performing show tunes with breakfast food?

This girl.

She is perfect for Ted Mosby. She is the one we’ve been waiting for. She’s the one Ted has been waiting for. And so they eventually get married and they have two beautiful children.

What happens next? SHE DIES.

They kill off this wonderful character and remove her (and my heart) from the show!

I could have dealt with this. I could’ve rolled with this tragedy and Ted’s acceptance of it. I could’ve quietly wept with the understanding that Ted was telling his kids the story of his lost love because of how much he loved her. It would have been a tragic ending to this comedy, yet one that would’ve been okay, since it does bring a sense of reality to this show where we have had to suspend disbelief. I could’ve been satisfied with it, when Ted said, “And kids: that’s how I met your mother.”

But it doesn’t end there, no. Those stupid kids have to speak right after.

Where do they go from there? They bring the divorced Robin and the widower Ted together.

His kids make the point that he talked about Robin in the story way more than about their mother and that it was so obvious that he “had the hots for Aunt Robin.”

Ted goes, and he steals another blue French horn, and runs to Robin’s apartment and holds out the blue French horn to her as she looks down at him from her window, mirroring their first date.

And they end up together.

So, through this entire series titled “How I Met Your Mother,” we’ve been a bit foolish. We expected Ted and his wife to meet and be together and life happily ever after. But I guess we should’ve read into the title a bit more. The show should’ve been called “How Your Mother Died and I Got Back Together With My Ex.”

Nowadays, whenever hopeless romantic me watches the final season of HIMYM, I get invested all over again in the relationship that I probably shouldn’t expect to be my own (even though I am Ted Mosby, and if I get married my wife will undoubtedly be Tracy, albeit Lutheran). I trudge along in that season, laughing, crying, and then when I finally get to the moment when Ted finally says those magical words, I stop it.

Because that ending never happened.

For shame, Mr. Thomas. For shame, Mr. Bays.