[Editor's Note: This post was originally published in 2013]

Recently our president became the first standing president to speak at a Planned Parenthood National Conference. In between telling funny jokes it seems our President forgot his Bible at his hotel (not really) and it just so happens I am now in ownership of it (I'm not).

What follows is unabashed satire.

It seems our President has picked up the habit of keeping an altered Bible. A habit he learned from one of our earlier president. Below are just a couple of the gems found in this (not real) Bible.

Yet you are he who took me from the womb at my mom's request;  you made me trust you at the enforcement of my mother's rights.  In the trash was I cast from my birth,  and from my mother's womb she has refused to let you be my God.

Be not far from me when my mom is not looking,  for trouble is near,  and there is none to help out my mommy. - Psalm 22:9-11

Behold, children are a burden and tax break from the Lord, the fruit of a woman's choice as a consequence. Like arrows in the hand of a warrior are the children of one's youth.

Blessed is the man who fills his quiver with the arrows he really wants! He shall not be put to shame when he speaks about his defense for women's options. - Psalm 127:3-5

For you formed my inward parts just in case;  you knitted me together in my mother's womb on the off chance she'd keep me.  I praise you, for I am partially and hopefully not defectively made.  Wonderful are your works except when there is a  serious mistake;  my soul knows it very well.

My frame was not hidden from you,  when I was being made in secret,  intricately woven with a couple defects in the depths of the earth.

Your eyes saw my unformed substance;  in your book were written, every one my mom would let me have,  the days that were formed for me by my mom's rights,  when as yet there was none of them. - Psalm 139:13-16

Then children were brought to him that he might lay his hands on them and pray. The disciples rebuked the people, but Jesus said, “Let the little children come to me and do not hinder them, unless the parents don't want to keep them, for to such might eventually belong the kingdom of heaven.” And he laid his hands on them and went away to let mom's enforce their rights. - Matthew 19:13-15